First of all, lol @ the fact that you actually called me extremely insecure. That’s extremely rich coming from the person who has a daily quota for underwear pictures for desperate tumblr men to ogle at. And this will come as a real surprise to you, but to be quite honest, I don’t even hate you, heck I don’t even dislike you, cause you haven’t done enough to earn yourself that high of a ranking. Sure you went ahead and slept with another man and I can mop around feeling sad or being mad for as long as I can, but that doesn’t do anything for me, it only gives you more power cause you feel validated in your actions but I’ll be honest, I was mad then I was sad and I was mad again then sad but now? pfft nothing, cause you honestly don’t deserve to occupy any more space in mind than you already have for the past 3 weeks or so when I found out what you did, that’s why you’re not reading this as a personalized message but instead as a public blog post for all to read because I can’t even bring myself, or be bothered enough to send this to you personally, you want to know why? Because you don’t deserve that sort of courtesy, when you make the conscious decision to go sleep with another man you lose all rights you had to get courtesy or due respect, like I said I don’t feel sad or mad or disappointed in you (although I did for a long while). And for what? I was mad yeah and all the things I said did nothing but make me hurt more and for someone who literally doesn’t give a shit about anyone else but themselves and how they’re feeling.
I just feel…nothing for you, because this all ended the moment you got into bed with that fucker and this will come as a huge relief for you, I can just imagine you breathing a huge sigh of relief because this is exactly what you wanted (everyone always leaves huh?), hey I still have the screenshot to prove it, and I also have this:
And since I know for a fact that you actually did go and sleep with him 3 weeks ago, most of what’s in the above screenshot sounds all the more believable cause I know you, and whenever you want to try to get even with me you always spit out the truth, you actually never do tell it when it matters, but only when it serves to make you feel better or to hurt my feelings. Well, I have no feelings anymore, I’ve spent the better part of this week and the last awake trying to figure out why you’d do that to me or what I did to you that you couldn’t control yourself enough to not go sleep with another dude. And that post you made today detailing how spooning is boring “sometimes” and how to properly sleep with someone with someone by interlocking arms and legs and resting on their neck and chest, well, that was just the straw that broke the camel’s back. And the funny thing is still though is that I’ve said countless times that if you did actually end up cheating on me, I wouldn’t give you the courtesy of talking to you, I’d just go away, and I just remembered that you said if roles were reversed you wouldn’t even bother with me, you keep talking about being lied to but all those lies you told me in the space of 2 months, about Tait. Actually, let’s talk about Tait for a second, the guy who you went and slept with for two nights in a row. Let’s talk about that douchebag cause I just find it fascinating that you say staying with me was a show of your “poor judgement” (at least now I know for a fact that you did it to prove you’re not shallow) but I mean how contradictory can you actually get,when you stay friends with someone who I guess eventually ended up getting more than he bargained for, cause I doubt that a guy who showed up naked in front of your family at your own birthday party and essentially destroyed a friendship you had with someone else (as well as played a vital role in destroying this relationship over the past year) would have thought he would end up in the same bed as you only a couple of months later. I remember that time you were in the hospital and then he said to me, “Are you mad that I’m here for her and you’re not” or the other things he did say prior to that, but no need for me to repeat them all, cause I figure you don’t care enough about that, but you’ve already heard this story countless times before, and you chose to remain friends with him…uh bleep oops sorry I mean now you’re sleeping together so…I guess his “charm” must be out of this world.
I feel nothing for you anymore. Nothing. Usually I had that feeling for wanting to fix things with you, even when it wasn’t my fault, that feeling isn’t there anymore. The thing that really boggles my mind though is that you told me you didn’t want to talk to me till April cause you wanted to focus on school work and then you went ahead and took your break, and then later on whenever it was that you decided to, you’re like “You didn’t bother checking on me” Ha…I’m sorry, aren’t you the one who demanded a break and some space, and then you have the gall and the balls to actually come and tell me I wasn’t there for you and that “we’ve drifted apart” as if it’s my fault you’re the one who made the conscious decision that you didn’t want to keep speaking to me, and then in that case you go and confide in him and even open your legs for him cause apparently “I wasn’t there.” That was your excuse. You tell me you need a break then you go and be with him, then you say “I wasn’t there” I guess what they say about LDRs not working are true cause eventually someone will get tired and just get in bed with the next person who gives them the smallest amount of attention.
The thing that this whole experience has taught me is that I’m yet to learn from my mistakes, because you already know what happened with my ex Melanie right, started off just like this, him hanging out with a dude, and then it turned to getting drunk together, spending way too much time with each other and eventually sleeping with one another. And that saying about those who don’t learn from history are bound to have it repeat is just what resonates so deeply with me right now. Oh and this isn’t sour grapes here, I’m definitely not a “nice guy” to mop around cause two girls ended up cheating on me therefore that reflects on all women, no, I won’t even let you have the satisfaction to think that you could radically change me like that.
So probably as you’re reading this in a drunken haze being as uncomfortable as you could possibly be, I want you to know that I just don’t…there’s nothing here anymore, because I have done all that could be done. I have given you way too many second chances, way too many to the point that I was on Viber the other day and the last message there was about me telling you to not keep lying to me and that had to be like over a year or so ago, and I persisted and kept on with this, lie after lie after lie, every lie you made up or used for the sake of Tait, I put up with, and I still tried to make this work, even though it wasn’t even my fault, and then you went and slept with him, not once, but twice, and that’s just not enough for you is it, you’ve got to go ahead and talk about just how you went about it, well I hope that you got the victory you were hoping for, and hey if he’s your number 1 comforter now then good for you, for however long that may last, at least I get to say I stuck around the longest don’t I? Everyone leaves huh…or is it…Everyone who you push away eventually falls off the cliff and you’re left looking for more people to push away cause the only thing you care about is temporary relief?…the latter is a bit of a mouthful. If that’s the person you’re gonna choose over me then it would be disgraceful for me to even be mad.
Tunnel vision. You’re always talking about how you think about the future but your actions always tell a different story. It’s all about the now for you, that’s why you went and cheated on me. There’s no excuse for cheating. Ever, and the fact that you even went and tried to turn it around and make it my fault goes to show just how remorseless you are. I have spent the better part of a year trying to “compete” with the guy who said,
"Enough time with me and she’ll like me, besides she doesn’t see you a lot I have the upper-hand here bro, How often do you see her? I bet I’ll have made it up by then."
and truth be told there really isn’t much a guy can do from 3000 miles away with the “charm” of a douchebag so determined to prove a point to himself. I mean, this isn’t medieval times, and I really don’t have to “fight” for your affections, you’re a sentient human being who can think logically and holistically and you know what he said and with this knowledge you still went and cheated on me with that fucker. I don’t care how many meals he’s cooked, you don’t jump into bed with people while still in a relationship, but since that’s what you want. then you can keep it.
Okay….I can’t even be bothered anymore to try and figure out what kind of logistics went into that decision but one thing is clear is that when you did it you didn’t bare this relationship or me in mind, you were doing it for yourself and you were doing it for him. So you two can have each other. And when he inevitably ends up leaving cause you have too much of a tunnel vision to see what he has done and is doing….I actually I don’t even know and by the time he does he’ll have already gotten what he wanted, oh wait I think he actually has, seeing as you did sleep with him. And this isn’t sour grapes, cause I honestly don’t think I could ever be jealous of a home wrecking guy,especially not one with such precise backstabbing and manipulative traits, not to place the blame on him cause this has more to do with you than him.
I’d wish you a nice life but really I’m not gonna pretend to be that nice of a person, if this ended in different circumstances I would have, but you cheated on me and then went on to provide a visual just to spite me, and I can’t even pretend that it didn’t hurt my feelings, but right now all that’s left for me to do is to focus on myself. These three years have been all about me doing things for you you you and looks like I’ve run out of use with you and you’ve found suitable replacements in the hoards of other guys on this website all lined up to join Tait in the kiss your ass brigade. Looks like you’re pretty much set for life with all these nice and lovely guys who will just go to the ends of the world for you.
Also, all your little sly digs and attempts to piss me off won’t work anymore cause I just can’t reiterate enough how detached from you I feel right now. You’re not even the same person I enjoyed talking to, the complete polar opposite in fact, but I guess when you spend too much time with a douchebag a lot of the douchebaggery ends up getting passed on, somehow. This is what you wanted and looks like I’m giving you just what you ordered, consider it as a final gift.
This will be my last message ever to you, anything you respond with to this won’t matter because I know and you know that you’ve not done enough for this, not as much as I have, and it took a whole 3 years for me to realize that I’ve been putting in effort for someone who doesn’t care enough to put in the same, no they’d rather go sleep with another man instead. I desperately need to start thinking about and taking care of myself for my own sake, you can keep your friendship or whatever it is you can call it